News Archives

February 8, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith is dead.

Found unresponsive in her hotel room.

February 9, 2007


A hidden gem with a little hint of Roger Black.

February 13, 2007

North Korea agrees to stop nuke program.

I credit Alec Baldwin.

February 19, 2007

Should I be mortified that I have two JetBlue flights in March?

Note to self: bring PSP and extra batteries.

February 22, 2007

Virgin gets NASA to develope commercial spacecraft.

I didn't know NASA did contract work, sweet! How much to build the Deathstar?

Prince goes to war (no, the other one).

I bet newspaper sales are going through the roof in England.

February 23, 2007

Yeah. we're going to need a lot more marinara sauce.

And a chainsaw, not sure a table knife is gonna do it.

February 26, 2007

Ebony and ivory test together in perfect harmony.

If the results are positive I want to see a live reunion TV show.

March 1, 2007

The Washington Post as profiled by Apple.

In ten years there will be one-thousand Washington Posts.

March 2, 2007

How to jump a bus.

Maybe it helps if you think the Terminator is after you?

Swiss accidentally invade Liechtenstein.

Wait, countries can be accidentally invaded? Oops, sorry about Iraq folks, ourbad, we'll just go now. Bye-bye.

March 3, 2007

Ann Coulter should drive a bus on the Atlanta HOV.

She is a talentless hack who's position is fueled by mindless zombies.

March 5, 2007

President Bush on the hunt for Osama.

Safety glasses help when you're smokin' out terrorist.

March 7, 2007

Ernest Gallo, dead at 97.

To be burried in one giant box with a tap.


I thought that's what cucumbers were for? I'm confused.

March 9, 2007

War has increased terrorism sevenfold worldwide.

Bring it on! Yahoo!

March 13, 2007

Shrub doing his best Catholic Priest impersonation.

Billy, do you like Gladiator movies?

March 20, 2007

Screw Airbus, make mine Boeing.

Only a 10th of the real size! Boosh!

March 27, 2007

John McCain reverses his decision on gay marriage.

Also now a big, big fan of Xena Warrior Princess.

April 4, 2007

Keith Richards snorted his fathers ashes.

Psycho asshat.

April 5, 2007

Same factory, different brands.

All your products belong to us.

AT&T/Cingular blocks cellular customers from free conference call services.

Hello Congress?

April 8, 2007

Last Monday's earthquake permanently lifted an island nine feet.

Coral reefs are now above sea level along with a sunken Japanese patrol boat from WWII.

April 12, 2007

Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

And who is he calling nappy-headed hos? Has he looked in the mirror lately? Asshat.

April 14, 2007


I know they come bigger than that, but still.

Chicago beats LA in bid for 2016 games.

Sweet! Lets all eat Portillos!

April 15, 2007

Don Ho has died.

I blame the Curse of the Brady Bunch Special.

April 16, 2007

At least 20 people dead in shooting on Virginia Tech University.

So, so sad.

April 17, 2007

Wikipedia entry for Virginia Tech massacre.

Astonishingly complete.

April 23, 2007

Two people shot dead at Montage.

What's next? Disneyland?

Boris is dead. Long live Boris.

Goodbye comrade.

April 24, 2007

Ratings vs. reputation.

On the Media examines NBC's coverage of the Virginia Tech tragedy.

Toyota kicks G.M. to the curb.

Goodbye Big Three, you suck.

April 25, 2007

Super Earth!

If I had time I would set up a website to start selling real estate.

April 26, 2007

Play that funky music white boy.

Bush should go back to being a party animal, his ratings who jump at least 10 points.

April 27, 2007

Why diet sodas taste like crap.

Hmm, normal soda tastes like concentrated sugar with sugar additive to me.

May 1, 2007

Rupert Murdoch wants to own the Dow Jones Co.


May 4, 2007

Microsoft wants to buy Yahoo.

"...could be worth $50 billion."

May 5, 2007

Paris Hilton sentenced to 45 days in jail.


May 6, 2007



May 7, 2007

"Why do people project their sensitivities and vulnerabilities onto their God? I'm sure He finds that a bit offensive."

Damn straight.

May 9, 2007

I told you it hit 100 yesterday!

Damn sauna.

A map of the fire in Griffith Park.

May 11, 2007

JetBlue CEO fired.

Damn, I hope this doesn't mean they're cutting unlimited munchies.

May 13, 2007

Missed it by that much.

A map of the Catalina fire. Crazy close.

May 14, 2007

Cruise ship?

You could prospect for gold on that barge.

May 15, 2007

Jerry Falwell is dead.

Moral majority found unconcious in his office.

May 18, 2007

Narcoteucture in Afganistan.

It would be interesting to compare these with the palaces/compounds in South America.

May 21, 2007

My friend, Jerry Falwell.

I wondered if Larry would write a eulogy.

May 26, 2007

Okkoto lives!

Er, he used to until an eleven-year old took him down in Eastern Alabama.

May 27, 2007

Burt Reynolds is rolling in his grave.

Oops, I mean he will, just after the preservatives wear-off.

May 30, 2007

A Croatian university has taught bees to sniff out landmines.

Still no hover car in sight.


My smartphone needs a date like the French need Arkansas.

May 31, 2007

Unraveling the cosmos in the depths of Antarctica.

For the Rocket Scientist.

Snoop Dogg, big hockey fan?


Portman is Bantha poo-doo.

Bite the hand that feeds you, well played.

China to require bloggers to register with the government.

American's were required to register for CB radios in the 70's.

June 5, 2007

The Six Day War.

Complete with maps.

June 6, 2007

Libby sentenced to thirty months in prison for lying.

When do we get to throw his boss in prison?

Apparently pirates never said 'arrr'.

Dammit Slate, would it have destroyed civilization that we hadn't known the truth?

The Removal Men!

Sounds like a super villan group.

June 7, 2007

Pairs Hilton already out of jail.

What a load of crap.

June 8, 2007

Quantum scoop.

Does this mean we can turn CERN into an amusement park ride?


Stupid Paris, Mothers Day was last month.

June 11, 2007

"God has given me this new chance."

That's nice. Too bad no one cares.

June 17, 2007

NYPD sirens.

Hmmm, time for the upgrade the Passat.

July 6, 2007

"One adult American in five thinks the Sun revolves around the Earth, an idea science had abandoned by the 17th century."

Who needs terrorism?

Murdoch owns Wall Street Journal.

Rupert, bring back the wide format!

July 7, 2007

Alabama company might have had union leaders in Columbia shot dead.

I blame Bananas.

July 8, 2007

Bride and grooms are everywhere.

And they all seem to be running late.

The London Tube attacks.

A visual remembrance.

July 12, 2007


I blame the Greatest Generation.

Nice one Anne, maybe for an encore you can ask the Queen of Jordan to do a swimsuit issue?

The Queen should have thrown you in the dungeon.

Chertoff says Qaeda not posing pre-Sept 11 threat.

I hope you're right dude. Otherwise you'll know what it's like to be the Food and Drug Minister of China.

Yep, a man who needs constant medical attention, and who releases videos more frequently than Lindsay Lohan, has somehow eluded capture for almost six years.

I'm still pisssed!

July 14, 2007

A bottle of Chateau Malescot St-Exupery prevents armed robbery.

Hmmm wine. Is there anything it can't do?

July 15, 2007

Catholic church settles Los Angeles sex-abuse cases for $600M.

Uh-da, that's a lot of bingo revenue.

July 16, 2007

Colorado kills their emperor.

Note to self: Guns and Capital Buildings are not compatible.

July 19, 2007

Scenes from NYC's underground exposion.

I hope they can contain future infrastructure failures.

Mega-lake found under the deserts of Sudan.

Three times the size of Lebanon.

July 22, 2007

U.S. to meet with Iran over Iraq's future.

Each player will start with 25 armies and 3 cards.

July 23, 2007

Made in China.

Via Coudal.

July 25, 2007

"...air movement of 1 mph can make you feel three or four degrees cooler."

And that's one to grown on.

Robert 'the Barbaric' Byrd.

The barbaric is not a truck.

July 26, 2007

Esquire TV.

Television is the free cereal box toys gimmick of the print world.

July 27, 2007

Why does Germany hate Scientologists?

Because they've been duped by psychopaths before?

NASA's astronauts are flying drunk and delivering sabotaged space computers.

Tang said not to be involved, at all.

IKEA opens an in-store hostel.

Features bridal and luxury suites. Meatballs extra.

July 31, 2007

Wall Street Journal sales goes through.

Next step for Murdoch: kill James Bond.

August 2, 2007

Debunking third-world myths with the best stats you've ever seen.

Via Wilson.

August 6, 2007

No end in sight.

Must see for everyone who gladly voted for President Bush, both times.

Structurally deficient bridges by state.

Also, I've overheard a lot of people confess to having bridge phobia.

NBC reporter chased out of Defcon 2007.

And on that day, the nerds won despite huffing from having to walk so much.

August 8, 2007

No. 756.

Nothing a little muscle enhancement can't beat in a few years.

August 9, 2007

Boing Boing gets a ride on an aeroplane.

Bye bye Jetblue. Make mine Virgina America.

August 10, 2007

"...whether they're penguin researchers or presidential candidates-- a personal view can sometimes add a whole new dimension to the story."


Library de Airbag could use one of these.

August 14, 2007

Karl Rove, the Architect.

A Frontline program.

Huge bridge collapse in China kills twenty-eight.

Workers were removing scaffolding in preparation for the opening.

August 15, 2007

Bear Trampoline.

Only in Montanna.

George, haven't you started enough unnecessary war?

There should be a law that says a President can't start a war if he's a lame duck or is in his last fifteen months in office.

August 16, 2007

Hundreds dead from 7.9 magnitude earthquake in Peru.

Number expected to climb.

Elvis vs. Scoble.

Bobby you might reconsider that day job at Microsoft. I hear they need valets.

August 17, 2007

Dean, you stupid, stupid hurricane.

Maybe another trip to Vancouver is called for.

August 19, 2007

Man turns in surface-to-air missle to Orlando police.

Screw amnesty. Find out how he got his hands on it.

September 5, 2007

Vote for the All Things Considered Theme Song.

Meh. Bring in Will Ferrell and Jack Black.

"They are still men, althought they dance."

We might have to implement this at Airbag HQ.

September 6, 2007

Luciano Pavarotti has died.

Cancer can go to hell.

September 7, 2007

Red Army's reign of terror.

When terrorism came from a different place.

September 14, 2007

Science confirms that men want hot women.

Thank you science, without you we would have never known.

It is now illegal for teenagers to drive while using a cell phone in California.

Without larger fines, this law if fluff.

September 19, 2007

Hundreds sick from meteor crash in Peru.

Apparently no one has gained the abiltity to fly or bend steel. Lame.

Dan Rather sues CBS for $70 million.

See Shaun, people sue all the time. It's just the thing to do.

September 24, 2007

Bonds calls record ball buyer "an idiot".


October 9, 2007

Islamic militants united by one thing.

Their love for a good, solid Toyota pickup truck with chrome rollbars and exterior lighting.

"...the Yankees are no perfect baseball team—such a thing exists only between Steinbrenner's ears."

Goodbye Joe.

October 17, 2007

Turkey set to invade Iraq.

Come on in, there's plenty of room! And bring some of that jerky with ya.

October 18, 2007

Prayers delivered in 1995-96 have finally been answered.

Sadly, all financial gains will not include adjustments for inflation.

Trailer park becomes paradise for sex offenders.

Dear CNN, 1974 called and they'd like you to come home.

Swearing at work boosts team spirt.

Ryan, Ethan; please give the home office a call, I have a few words for you both.

October 21, 2007

Louisiana elects a thirty-six year old as governor.

Excuse me while I blow into a paper bag and look for some medication. Any medication.

October 22, 2007

Robot-cannon does a really bad ED-209 impersonation.

Failed to tell soliders to comply and provide a countdown.

Castle Kashan.

One of today's Malibu fire victims.

Southern California is on fire.

They come in bakers-dozens here.

Turkey should invade Iraq.

Pre-emptive war worked so well for us, I can't imagine how it could be bad for them.

Oh great, there's a fire in my backyard.

You bring the marshmellows, we'll bring the chocolate.

"It's what we get for a year without weather."

On fires and trying to dwell against the natural geography.

Flying is most likely not as safe as we have been lead to believe.

NASA is keeping reports secret in order to avoid a collapse in public confidence.

"...hundreds of people sought refuge in Qualcomm Stadium."

Gee, that worked out so well in New Orleans. Great idea!

October 23, 2007

A history of fire in Los Angeles County.

Malibu likes to burn apparently.

"Good luck, you should have moved to the Valley."

On reactions to Malibu burning, yet again.

LA Times is using Twitter for fire related news.

Is that a first?

October 24, 2007

Todd just posted his photos from last nights Santiago fire-line.

I sure hope they get this thing killed today, I have too many friends who live right there.

War in terror will end up costing $2.4 trillion.

People who elected Bush should loose their Social Security benifits to help pay the bill.

October 25, 2007

Comet turns on the high beams.

For Lizzy.

October 26, 2007

FOX is broadcasting that al Qaeda started the fires in California.

That's first rate journalism, boy-howdie.

Arson suspect shot dead.

It's generally not a good idea to try and ram police with your truck.

Proof found that red heads have been rocking the school since the dawn of man.


October 29, 2007

Fontana di Trevi Rosso Sangue.

A protest.

October 30, 2007

The US Navy is in full pursuit.

Unfortunately, L.A. traffic reporters are not able to cover the event live on television.

October 31, 2007

One of the wildfires was started by a kid playing with matches.

Put the parents in prison.

November 1, 2007

You can take the brah out of Texas...

I'd like to think it's the mullet talking.

Cop shot dead in the robbery of a doughnut shop.

Happy Cog Philly needs to move already.

November 2, 2007

Television writers go on strike.

Show your suppo...

November 3, 2007

What Would Jesus Drink?

Seeing how stupid and commercial Christianity has become? Probably scotch on the rocks.

November 4, 2007

It's like something out of Cryptonomicon.

I hope the night manager is Ok.

November 6, 2007

Bush-bashing is now chic.

Asshats, I could have told you that five years ago.

November 7, 2007

France and the United States are BFF.

French fries for everyone!

November 15, 2007

GAO agents smuggled bomb making parts through airport security.

Thank you President Bush!

Candidates should hammer away at war's costs.

Remember when it was all going to cost just $80B?

November 16, 2007

Starbucks to launch first ever nation-wide television campaign.

Lets hope it does better than Joe.

Military air space will be opened to make room for increased air traffic.

Delta to use Area 51 as a temporary hub.

A man in England has been caught having sex with his bicycle.

Schwinn looking into the possibility of a new revenue stream.

November 18, 2007

Warren Buffett is helping to negotiate A-Rods contract with the Yankees.

Noted for later.

November 19, 2007

The new Zune has sold out.

All four-hundred and sixty-two of them, sold.

November 27, 2007

Peace in the Middle East by '08 or bust.

Still, we are living in a world without hover cars.

November 28, 2007

Not sure how more garlic is going to fix this.

I wonder if Emeril is a stress eater.

November 29, 2007

The world in 2008.

Though it's online, I recommend picking up the printed issue and reading it during the holidays.

Khoi, you gotta put a stop to this, pronto.

Live-blogging. Pffft.

Broadway is open again.

Maybe it's time for another trip to the city.

November 30, 2007

Guilty of insulting Islam?

Absolutely absurd.

The Vancouver 2010 Mascots.

Sasquatch is awesome but I love the killer whale.

December 1, 2007

Clinton hostage taker was looking to get shot.

I hope he at least farted in Hillary's HQ during his brief occupation.

December 3, 2007

Socialist dictatorship has been defeated in Venezuela elections.

Democracy survives, for the time being.

Preserved (mummified sounds like it was intentional) dinosaur found in North Dakota.


December 4, 2007

Dude, that first kill is a little too close to the homestead.

Having a hard time not wanting this asshat to suffer for his malice.

December 13, 2007

CIA jet crashes with four tons of cocaine on-board.

The Company Christmas party will be postponed until a new jet can be found.

December 20, 2007

Queen Elizabeth II is now the longest living British monarch ever.

Whatever she's been eating all these years, I'll take two.

December 26, 2007

Mmmm, zoo patrons, they're grrr-reat!

That's why you should always go to the zoo with a concealed weapon.

December 27, 2007

Benazir Bhutto has been assassinated.

I hope Musharraf is worth it.

The many sides of mauling.

Silly tiger, Soylent Green is people.

Barron Hilton gives almost all of his wealth to charity.

Now if only Paris would get hit by a bus...

January 6, 2008

"Magic 8-Ball, I have some questions about Britney Spears."

That alone deserves a link from everyone on the Internet. 1UP.

Bill O'Reilly p0wnd by a nine year old.

Can we get rid of him once his kind loose their keys to the Whitehouse?

January 10, 2008

Bush predicts he's going to bring peace to the Middle East.

He'd do better to predict his full-time employment as a McDonalds barista.

January 11, 2008

Marion Jones sentenced to six months in prison.

Roger, guess what's coming for you buddy.

January 18, 2008

Jew hater dies.

Burn in hell Bobby.

Watching the leaked Tom Cruise Scientology video.

Why hasn't the CIA double-tapped this guy already?

January 24, 2008

Senator Dodd renews call against telecom immunity.

Send them all the CEOs to Gitmo and make an example of them.

January 29, 2008

"Smoking a joint is equivalent to 20 cigarettes in terms of lung cancer risk."

Cancer 420.

February 4, 2008

United to start charging for checking a second bag.

Pretty soon we'll be charged to sit at the gate.

February 8, 2008

Berkley hippies want to boot the Marines from their town.

Reason No. 379 Why we should legalize marijuana.

February 12, 2008

Temperature hits an all-time record of forty below in the "Icebox of the Nation".

Global Warming appears to have taken the winter off.

February 14, 2008

Berkeley council becomes home to intolerance.

So what conclusion can we come to regarding the events of the past two weeks? That the Berkeley City Council is home to the Jerry Falwells and Pat Robertsons of the left? It's unfortunate but true.

16.4% of all Xbox 360 consoles has a hardware defect.

Is there anything at Microsoft that's not failing?

February 18, 2008

A timeline for Kosovo's declaration of independence.

An infographic.

February 19, 2008

Castro quits.

Does this mean I can get some cigars now?

Musharraf set to lose power.

First Castro now this. How about a hat trick? North Korea I'm looking at you.

Toshiba kills HD-DVD.

Now can I please have The Matrix on Bluray. I'm tired of waiting.

"Clearly someone in the administration who has the instincts of a cowboy has decided this is the perfect excuse to rattle our sabres and show the Chinese that we have the same capabilities."

Penis size is everything.

February 25, 2008

The New York Philharmonic will play in North Korea this Tuesday.

Where military threats fail, perhaps the arts can help.

March 4, 2008

Aromatherapy no worky.

Also, flavored water is a joke. Hopefully you don't need science to know that.

Brett Favre plans to retire.

Green Bay won't be the same without him.

March 10, 2008

Northrop beat Boeing because they did $100M in nospec work.

That's a lot of money to spend on a contract you don't have.

March 11, 2008

Client 9 models Haggar Premium Dress Khaki.

You know, they've got a permanent crease, so you'll always look sharp.

March 19, 2008

Sir Arthur C. Clarke has died.

Goodbye and thanks for all the Monoliths.

March 27, 2008

The British approve of how France's First Lady's wardrobe.

I think this means the war is over.

April 4, 2008

"A minority of scientists question whether this means global warming has peaked and argue the Earth has proved more resilient to greenhouse gases than predicted."

So...coat sales are up this year. That's all you had to say.

David Beckham's first in-play goal in Major League Soccer.

I expect to see many, many more of these.

April 5, 2008

Estimated annual value of the Britney Spears economy: $110M to $120M.

All thanks dumb-ass red necks.

April 6, 2008

Blogging kills.

Note: Charlton Heston did not blog.

April 9, 2008

Hey Shrub, how about bringing the war a little closer to home?

Unless...are that War on Terror still going on or is it just Iraq now?

China insists on bringing the Olympic torch through Tibet.

I think they're confused. Historically, monks have burned themselves in protest, not the other way around.

Blood tests prove that Bush is the worst U.S. President ever.

And by blood tests I mean a vote by sweater wearing historians.

April 14, 2008

Delta and Northwest merge.

More airline mergers speculated to be around the corner.

China now the worlds worst polluter.

"...research suggests the country's greenhouse gas emissions have been underestimated."

April 16, 2008

The stupidest guy on Earth speaks out.


April 17, 2008

Oregon claims copyright on public law.

Look, if you need money, start charging a sales tax everyone else.

April 18, 2008

The Midwest gets a little taste of the Ring of Fire.

Check the cows, their milks probably gone bad.

April 20, 2008

Satan says goodbye to the Pope.

The Devil wears JCPennys. Didn't know that did you?

April 24, 2008

Blades' going to jail.

Wonder if he'll talk to Paris, get notes on serving "hard time".

May 2, 2008

If flags are not at half-staff today, then they had better be tomorrow.

We can not forget Merlin German's sacrifice nor the other before and after his.

May 5, 2008

First-born kids have it tougher.

I didn't need science to tell me this.

I didn't know McCain could raise his arms now.

Was this photo taken at an INS deportation ceremony?

May 8, 2008

"Airlines are spewing 20 percent more carbon dioxide into the environment than previously estimated."

Yeah, we're going to need a lot more trees.

May 12, 2008

Earthquake measuring 7.8 hits central China.

Speaking of...whatever happened to China's earthquake prediction program?

May 20, 2008

Ballmer ducks behind podium to avoid egg attack.

Not sure what good that did, Steve lives with egg on his face and sleeves.

U.S. currency, already down and out, gets a kick to the head.

Can we also remind the Treasury Department that color ink has been available since the time of Christ?

Sulu gets married.

Kirk to give him away.

May 21, 2008

American student 'Twitters' his way out of Egyptian jail.

I think we can all see where this is going.

May 22, 2008

Death toll jumps to 51k in China.

Country is asking for donations of tents. I wish Amazon had their act together.

May 26, 2008

Bush considering the creation of marine wildlife reserves "far larger than national parks like Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon."

George, I'm confused. Is this part of Stay the Course™? Do the fish have Sadam's WMD?

Phoenix makes a grand entrance.

Absolutely stunning. Read how the photo was taken.

May 27, 2008

Beckham hits a sixty yard goal.

"When [Beckham] hit it, you could just tell."

May 28, 2008

Windows Finger.

By 2010? (see Pigs Fly).

Michael Largent, you sir are no Gus Gorman.

Nice try asshat.

Xerox gets all medical.

Careful, Jobs just stole your mouse, G.E. will rip out your heart and eat it.

May 29, 2008

Symbolic support for terrorism?

I'd ask if there are American's that are really that stupid but I already know that answer, unfortunately.

Hedley Lamarr has passed.

Rest in peace Mr. Korman.

May 30, 2008

What do the pictures tell us about the Amazonian tribe?

That the world is still a far bigger place than we think it is.

June 1, 2008

Universal Studios is on fire.

King Kong has been damaged but the film vaults remain intact. This has happened before.

June 5, 2008

French stuntman scales the NYT building to raise awareness about global warming.

Khoi, tell me you got to watch him climb from inside the building.

June 9, 2008

Porter! Porter! Porter!

Bill Moyer's slaps a Bill O'Reily stooge around with one arm behind his back.

June 11, 2008

It is not uncommon for Chinese children to be given names of common events and popular slogans - such as Defend China, Build the Nation and Space Travel.

Clearly I'm going to need a new first name.

June 13, 2008

Tim Russert had died.

Dammit! I liked Tim a lot.

June 22, 2008

George Carlin has died.

Everyone add seven dirty words to your prayers tonight.

June 26, 2008

North Korea no longer an Axis of Evil.

Tonight they're gonna party like it's 1994.

June 29, 2008

Sorry to read that Michael Turner has passed.

I always liked his work at Top Cow.

July 1, 2008

Starbucks to close six hundred stores.

"...70 percent of those slated for closure had opened after the start of 2006."

July 2, 2008

How to go bankrupt.

A guide for NBA players.

July 9, 2008

Hey, that website looks very familiar.

MSNBC, call me if you want the backstory on how the website was made.

July 25, 2008

I remember this scene.

it's when Luke, Han, and Chewbacca get their medals.

July 26, 2008

The Economist examines NASA at Fifty.

I can't believe the used the phrase "Space 2.0".

July 28, 2008

Photos of WhiteKnightTwo.

Looks spacey.

July 29, 2008

Japan has a shortage of lawyers.

Of course this means it's time to make lawyer robots.

July 30, 2008

Just five countries supplied eighty percent of global arms exports between 2003 and 2007.


August 1, 2008

"Have they caught the anthrax killer?"

I'm happy they are at least still working on the case.

August 3, 2008

Farve went back to the Packers for one reason: cheese curds.

Behold the power of cheese.

August 9, 2008

Bernie Mac has died from pneumonia.


August 13, 2008

"In humans, brain size correlates, albeit somewhat weakly, with intelligence...male brains are bigger."


August 18, 2008

Musharraf has resigned.

Wowwie, wow, wow, wow.

August 25, 2008

Cuban gets all Flawless Victory on an Olympic referee.

Look at that kick. It's totally the high kick from Karateka.

"Some of this anthrax may have come from Iraq."

Two thumbs up!

August 26, 2008

Would be Obama assassins converge, apparently, on Denver.

FBI says no one is a "credible threat".

August 31, 2008

The patchy return of New Orleans.

A "walking tour" of three neighborhoods post-Katrina.

September 1, 2008

Russian police love freedom of speech.

And the right to bear arms.

September 8, 2008

Getting ready for Big Bang Day.

We are all gonna die.

Don't ever take a photo of Gary Coleman, he will run you over.

Don't truck me bro!

Tom Bradey is out for the entire season.

I wonder how much the insurance policy is worth.

September 13, 2008

Seventeen people are now dead from the Metrolink collision.

More deaths are expected.

September 14, 2008

Train engineer ran a red light while texting on a cell phone.

After this accident, I have zero confidence in trains.

September 19, 2008

Forget water boarding, just have terrorists ride a train in LA.

Hmm...what would it take to get Cheney on the Metro...

September 21, 2008

Kim vs. Garcia.

I hope everyone watched this fight. If not, don't miss the replays.

September 22, 2008

United States of France.

From lé Josh.

September 28, 2008

Anchorage hold another anti-Palin rally.

More people and more demands.

September 30, 2008

Bankruptcy, not bailout, is the right answer.

"Bankruptcy does not mean the company disappears; it is just owned by someone new."

"We aren't going to have a shantytown in Central Park again. It won't be like the 30s."

Still everyone should practice their hobo code just in case.

October 3, 2008

@president Money plz?!

7 minutes ago from Terminatoriffic.

Joe Dirt found in Australia.

The police should force him to watch V one thousand times non-stop.

October 6, 2008

Got Milk?

October 7, 2008

We need to forgive Sarah Palin.

She knows not what she does.

October 10, 2008

Bread lines 1932 vs. 2008.

Is it too late to start Airbag Savings & Loan?

October 27, 2008

Senator Ted Stevens, felon.

This is turning out to be quite the news day for me.

November 19, 2008

Me thinks it's time to move to Dubai.

Just need Sunblock 5000 and I'm ready to go.

December 4, 2008

The U.A.W. is a day late and Billions short.

Concessions should have been made in the mid-90's.

Nick Harcourt has left Morning Becomes Eclectic.

I totally missed this story.

December 5, 2008

Honda is leaving F1.

The future of the entire series is in question. Lame.

A round table discussion on how we can make the Iraq War more accessible.

I didn't know we were fighting lava monsters over there. Intriguing.

December 8, 2008

"He was right."

Frontline's follow-up on retired four-star general Eric Shinseki's nomination to head the Department of Veterans Affairs.

December 10, 2008

"On occasion, prosecutors asked us to delay publication of stories, asserting that disclosure would jeopardize the criminal investigation."

— Chicago Tribune

Many of the newest solar panels are manufactured with a gas that is 17,000 times more potent than carbon dioxide in contributing to global warming.


December 17, 2008

The Economist explains why wars happen.

And present their findings through a bad infographic.

Barrack Obama is Time magazine's Person of the Year.

Lets hope they will able to repeat this four more times, maybe eight.

December 18, 2008

Goodbye Mrs. Roddenberry.

Rest in peace.

December 23, 2008

Obama will be sworn in using a used Bible.

Hopefully some of the previous owners wisdom will be absorbed.

December 26, 2008

War on Terror close to costing $1T.

China must be laughing all the way to the bank.

December 27, 2008

"A new Pew study showing that the Internet has surpassed newspapers as Americans' main source for national and international news."

Television, you're next.

December 31, 2008

"I expect, 2009 will be a year to forget."

Happy New Year everybody.

January 2, 2009

'Flying while Muslim' is the new 'Driving while black.'

You stay racist Washington.

January 4, 2009

Israeli consulate holds a press conference for teenage girls.

"We hav 2 prtct R ctzens 2, only way fwd through neogtiations, & left Gaza in 05. y Hamas launch missiles not peace?" Asshats.

January 9, 2009

Hiring trends for 2009.

Good insight.

January 13, 2009

The water systems of Manhattan.

Sadly, no data on the colossal sewer 'gators of Manhattan.

January 14, 2009

Kahn is dead.


January 25, 2009

Apparently New Jersey isn't all gangsters and garbage.

An infographic.

February 3, 2009

Bulgarians are sick people.

This chart also proves that Ethan is from Bulgaria, not Vermont as previously thought.

Iran launched itself a space satellite.

Plan 9 now in underway.

If Washington's economic recovery plan is going to be like this then kill it.

We need help, not bureaucracy and stupidity.

USA is now the Toyota of wind power.

That's something to be proud of right?

February 8, 2009

Australia is on fire.

There are a lot of Airbag readers Down Under, I hope you are all safe and sound.

February 11, 2009

Favre quits, again.

I'll believe it when I see it.

February 16, 2009

Let Beckham go.

He's a waste of time and money in this country.

February 22, 2009

"Serious journalism has seldom been about the straightforward pursuit of profit."

Note: Anything that is cable news is not serious journalism.

Clinton has asked China to buy way more of the United States.

Lets not beat around the bush and just let them buy the country state by state, starting with North Dakota.

February 23, 2009

The new Formula 1 rules sound fantastic.

Can't wait to see them in action next month.

March 1, 2009

The rest of the story has died.

An icon of American journalism and broadcasting, Paul Harvey will be missed.

March 3, 2009

"We expect to increase our market share [during the recession]."

— Martin Winterkorn, CEO Volkswagen Group

March 4, 2009

US bailout is green, with envy.

Sorry, just pretending that I write headlines for CNN.

Vanishing America.

March 22, 2009

Truth in numbers.

Context should be demanded by news organizations.

March 24, 2009

China wants a new global currency.

Good luck with that.

"This is a nation where it's not nearly enough that the trains run on time—they've got to break land records."

If I could commute at 300MPH on land, I would burn my car to the ground.

Car stereos are the new hub caps.

"Not many thieves can offer installation on a flip-screen navigation/video/stereo system with a Bluetooth-compatible computer interface operating over fiber optic cables."

April 15, 2009

The French navy have captured pirates!

That's like Normandy for them. Good job!

April 28, 2009

Apparently, China loves to shop.

And they love any thing from Russia.

May 28, 2009

"A minor accidental skirmish can lead to a nuclear war."

Time to send in Grey Fox and fix North Korea's leadership problems.

May 29, 2009

Captain Caveman sentenced to life in prison.

Kick him out of the van on the way to the click and lets save some tax money.

"This is the world we are living in now, where news judgment and values have deteriorated."

Anything for a buck.

June 1, 2009

GM finally files for bankruptcy.

The Aztec is to blame.

June 12, 2009

Ahmadinejad is going to keep his day job.

This does not make me happy, Iran deserves much better.

June 14, 2009

Peugeot has defeated Audi at Le Mans.

What a great contest. I hope Audi comes back swinging next year.

June 23, 2009

Ed McMahon has passed on to the great Tonight Show in the sky.

"Goodbye old friend."

Iranian soccer players who supported the protests have been banned for life.

Insecure much? Something tells me the leadership in Iran prefers to drive Humvees.

July 6, 2009

Pot dealers are using Twitter to let their customers know about current shipments.

How long before this situation makes it into Weeds?

July 26, 2009

"The primary problem with newspaper companies isn't their revenue. It's the size and scope of their operations."

So how do you make cuts that won't kill the creation of the main product?

July 27, 2009

This was no accident.

Dolphins are finally coming out of the closet with their plans to wipe mankind of the planet.

July 29, 2009

"Global warming is the new religion of First World urban elites."

If people can worship a spaghetti monster then I suppose this is possible.

August 7, 2009

"AOL has been scooping up talented journalists right and left, with some 1,500 on board already - a number it expects to double or even triple over the coming year."

You've got journalism!

September 2, 2009

Station Fire.

While I was there it looked like an atomic bomb had just gone off.

September 18, 2009

Wolf Blitzer is an idiot.

This is exactly why I don't watching cable television news "pundits". Morons, Eleven.

September 29, 2009

Can we take a moment to think...about the fact that Polanski pled guilty to unlawful sex with a minor, before we start talking about what a victim he is?

Burn him.

October 5, 2009

A Daily Beast investigation shows McVeigh made have had a second accomplice.

Justice, apparently, still has some work ahead.

Conde Nast is closing the doors on Gourmet magazine.

The Rocket Scientist is going to be pissed off six ways to Sunday when she hears about this. Nast, I hope you wear a cup.

October 26, 2009

Looks like Balloon Dad has a anger issues.

Send him to G-Bay and have him do all the environmental cleanup.

December 19, 2009

The Auschwitz "Arbeit Macht Frei" sign has been stolen.

"Polish leaders have declared recovering the...sign a national priority."

December 21, 2009

The Transportation Department does what Congress should have done decades ago.

Thank you Secretary LaHood.

December 23, 2009

What the French loved and hated in 2009.

From the Airbag Foreign Culture Desk.

April 12, 2010

El Niño won't go away until "early winter 2010."

The storm is now officially the most stupidest thing ever. El Estupidez!

Last year thirty-thousand people applied for a ham radio license.

"It helped that the Federal Communications Commission did away with the Morse Code requirement."

Mean happiness.

A thirty year average of happiness in the world.

May 3, 2010

Joe Wong at the RTCA Dinner.

There are tears streaming down my face. Thanks Garrett.

May 6, 2010

"The Deepwater Horizon blowout is not unprecedented, nor is it yet among the worst oil accidents in history."

All things relative.

May 17, 2010

How dangerous is South Africa?

If you have to ask then it's dangerous.

About News

This page contains an archive of all entries posted to Longboard in the News category. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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