"You need new pants."
That's how it started. That's how a perfectly innocent Sunday afternoon was run over and placed in critical condition by four careless, but completely truthful words.
If it had been any other piece of clothing, everything would have been fine but pants require ten times the amount of effort and patience than anything else found in a man's wardrobe.
Sure, buying a proper suit can take a lot more out of a day but in the end you're getting a suit — a celebration of design meets fabric meets attitude. And despite what Dockers would have you believe, pants never got the job, the girl — nor have pants ever won the war.
Buying pants is a process always promoted as, "this will just take a minute" but the savvy male knows one minute can quickly hemorrhage into thirty minutes if you're lucky, or an hour if there's any type of sale being held.
Take a look at the buying pants checklist:
1. Take off shoes while hopping on one foot 2. Unhinge belt 3. Unzip, unbutton 4. Remove pants 5. Put new pants on 6. Adjust underwear (you can skip this step if wearing tighty whighties) 7. Shake pant legs and force hands in pockets 8. Leave changing room 9. Model pants for wife and or personal shopper 10. Walk, walk, turn, and turn around the other way, lift shirt, turn around again, walk 11. Return to phone booth sized dressing "room" 12. Unzip, unbutton 13. Remove pants 14. If pants were approved go to step 16, if not continue to step 15 15. Wait 12 minutes while wife or personal shopper finds a new pair, go back to step 4 16. Put old pants back on 17. Put shoes back on 18. Take 1 minute for a cool down 19. Return to wife/personal shopper 20. Spend money
That's three more steps required than it takes to launch the Space Shuttle! Now I ask you, who wouldn't rather be cruising space instead of trying on one more pair of relaxed fit, plain front, khakis.
What really makes buying new pants difficult is poor fabrication. It's quite remarkable how one pair of pants can be nothing like it's identical twin. The tags advertise the same height and width but even the personal shopper at Nordstroms will tell you that it's always a good idea to try on each pair because, "you just never know."
If we can clone mammals then why in the hell can't clothing manufacturers figure out how to fabricate identical clothes?
The Scots know this all to well and were smart enough to forget pants altogether. You don't even have to take off your shoes to try on a kilt.
Join the fray by reading through and commenting at the end.
That's 'Scots,' thankyouverymuch.
And everything you said is true. However, your list doesn't take into consideration those of us who are oddly-sized. I wear a 38-34 (or 38-36, depending on the cut of the inseam). You just can't walk into The Gap or, for that matter, most places anymore and pull my size off the rack. So add a couple of hours to the mix while you travel from store to store, or mall to mall, looking for your size. At least The Gap is kind enough to tell you, via little placards on their jeans racks, that odd sizes may only be purchased online.
As my brother-in-law continually corrects me: It's Nordstrom, not Nordstrums.
And you are free to say to me, as I do to him, "Dude, only a chick would know that."
Doh! I know better than that. I wonder why people call it Nordstroms?
That's OK - my dad calls it "Wal-Mart's" ... as in, "we're gon' go down to the Wal-Mart's" ...
"... to get us some Co-Colas (read: Diet Pepsi) and get our pree-scriptions refilled." Speak in a deep, slow, Southern drawl as you read that. Yup, that's m'pop. Love ya, Dad!
It helps to find a store or two and stick with it. All my work pants are Dawson (or Gavin) cut, plain front, no cuffs, chinos from Banana Republic. All dress shirts are from Banana or J. Crew (XL in short sleeves and L in long sleeves). I can't even remember the last time I tried anything on. It's kind of like the Steve Job's black mock turtle neck with Levis thing, but with some variety. Why do I now feel like I'm the missing member of the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy crew?
I hear ya Greg. I was at Old Navy last weekend, trying to find a new pair of jeans. After trying six pair (yeah, six) I finally found a pair that *almost* fit me. I'm never satisfied with my purchases. This pair has a length too low for me. I'm a 34/34. I bought a 35/32. Go figure. Psfft.
do you really want a world where a man's legs are always on display? hairy legs? chicken legs? knobby knees? I say suck it up, and buy the pants and be glad that you don't have to worry about wether your ankles look thick today ;)
> I wonder why people call it Nordstroms?
The same reason they call "Sear" Sears?
Just a wild guess.
Perhaps the better question is: If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to here it, will anyone say the trees fell?
At least I only drag him shopping once a year for work clothes. Last year we made the fatal mistake of only buying 2 pairs...considering that he wears them to work every day they were looking pretty shabby by the time the Anniversary sale hit this year. Now he has 5. I figure if I can get him to commit to 90 minutes once a year I'm lucky and he's set.
Mike D. has it right! To completely cut down on the hated "shopping" time, buy in bulk. Sam's Club, COSCO, any large, impersonal warehouse of a store will do. Sure, it's a bit drafty changing clothes out in the middle of the isle in between the Weed Eaters and the 10-gal. tubs of Mayonnaise, but cheap and easy is the name of the game guys.
Also good is online shopping. Glenn Beck promotes Bills Khakis. Or you could try Land's End's online model, who'll try your pants on for you!
Remind me to tell you all the tale about buying underwear, Costco, and hundreds of people sometime...
Uh, you've already done that one. I don't think we need to hear about it again. (Read: I swear will he never forgive me?!?!)
Pants? The guy moans about buying pants? Try bra hunting and the joys of getting the right one to fit both, er, breast! Then moan. ;-)
Oh man, and I need to buy pants. I wear a 42-40 typically, so shopping for that is a pain in the ass. I can't wait!