On April 15th you will undoubtedly be thinking about taxes with either a sigh of relief or with a cold sweat on how your gonna finish before the midnight deadline.
In Alaska some postal worker dresses up like Uncle Sam, sequin suit with matching top hat and all, and stands in the middle of a road that leads to the only 24 hour post office in Anchorage. He's there with a smile that only a postal worker can make (half delirious, half guilty pleasure) to take your tax return there on the road, because packing thousands of stressed people into a post office lobby is known to cause a riot.
You drive up nice and slow, cause the po-po (or policemen) are also there to observe this exchange, roll down the window and hand Sam your document. He would say thank you, grab the brim of his sequined hat, and bling-bling you now have 364 days left until you have to repeat this federal duty. This of course, was all before the Information Superhighway made it possible to give Sam instant gratification and your bank account information. Kids, remember to wear aluminum foil on the head, because the IRS can now read your thoughts from outer space.
On Monday, the Fifthteenth of April in the Year of Our Lord, Two-Thousand and two, I will be fretting about turning 31. Mind you I'm not the type to plod around dressed in black, smoking long-brown More cigarettes, and asking my cat what's the world good for cause I usually wear dark blue with khaki and chug down an iced latte while I bewilder a Starbucks barista with questions about what the world is good for.
Did you know that Starbucks has a two drink minimum for "loitering" or they kick you out? Unless of course you would be willing to purchase one of their Hear Music CD's, then you get the floor and an open mic. Because who in the world goes to a coffee shop to purchase music that you wouldn't normally buy in a real music store? (see entry on convergence)
My wife, family, cat, and friends have all been very supportive telling me that turning 31 is 'Ok' and no different than 30. But that's what they said about turning 21, only turning 21 came with a complete package of new privileges. Thirty-one comes complete with jack squat -- holy cripes what’s 41 gonna be like?
So this year when you give the sequined postal worker your tax return, just remember to drop by your local Starbucks and look for the preppy hanging at the bar and freaking out the green, apron-wearing staff. Just give him a hug and remind him that it's gonna be Ok. Oh and an iced latte would help a lot too.
A large non-profit corporation has been set up to accept donations for the Greg Storey Longevity Project. Please click here for more information.
Join the fray by reading through and commenting at the end.
If I don't get back around by then, allow me to wish you an early Happy Birthday, and to let you know that 30 was the one that sucked. (What, you didn't notice?)
31 Will Be OK. If you're anything like me, you'll feel pretty good once you accept your thirty-oneness; nay, embrace it, for it is yours.
Now... I myself will turn 35 on April 20th, 2002. I share a birthdate with my mother's grandmother and grandfather, and also with Adolph Hitler (no relation to the aforementioned ancestors.) I've already made up my mind that 35 is not going to be a particularly happy year, as it leaves only five years before the Big 4-0, when some well-meaning friend, relative, or co-worker will post a sign somewhere that says "Lordy, Lordy, Bob is Forty," whereupon I will have to unmercifully beat that person about the head and shoulders.
31 was a good year. Hope yours works out to be that way, too.
On April 15th I will be turning 50! The 30's are great. I did some major "wisening up" during my 30's so that by 40 I could actually say I had become a mature, responsible human with a lot of the uncertainties behind me.
Woo-HOO! You hit 31 just 3 months and 1 day before I do. That means I'm not the oldest fart in this biz. =)
Look at it this way, the average person has a career that spans from about 25 to 65. Looking at it that way, you're just a touch over the halfway point to the first quarter of the adult life. You're still a young whippersnapper, a veritable babe in the woods.
(But you're still 3 months and 1 day older than me)
Bah, 31. I hit 33 on the 29th. 31 was a piece of cake. 32 goes down as one of the hardest years of my life. A strange numerical anomaly has become apparent. I have much better years in my odd numbered years.
30, the year, wasn't bad. 30, the anticipation, was awful. April 29th, 1999 was one of the biggest Anti Climaxes of my life.
The downside of your 30's? Each year it becomes more and more difficult to act like a kid. Now, staring down the barrel of 33, I've become convinced that it's time to start acting like a grownup.
Doesn't mean that I will, though.
consider my dontation to the greg storey longevity project to be the following advice. skip the new perry ferrel cd. i still regret that purchase. i really wanted to like it but i just can't.
i am 35 and i don't remember being 31, so i can not help you there.
You're an old fart!
Griff, thanks for the advice. I really like the Happy Birthday Jubilee song that I found from that album via Gnuttela.
I cannot comment on how good 31 will be, for I have only been 31 for a little over 2 weeks. But I can say that I could have done without my 30th year. But here is looking at 31, that it will be a very good and productive year.
And Happy birthday. I will try to remember you as I am crying (I hate owing taxes)
31 is like the quiet that comes after the hurricane that is 30, but without the federal aid. It’s a peaceful time to collect the remaining slivers and accept your 30s.
As for me and my birthdays, none will ever compare to sixth grade when you gave me a “Super Tramp †cassette at Chuck E. Cheese’s. At lease we can find comfort in having outlived “Q-Bert.â€
Yes....31 spankings!
Happy early birthday. I hope you get some money back from Uncle Sam. I have never given much thought to turning 30 (this September!), but after reading some comments here, I think I should worry.
Since you'll be freaking out the Starbucks staff, do what I do for fun. Order like this: "I'd like a tall dark Columbian (or Italian or French)". Add a thick lisp for dramatic affect, effeminate mannerisms, and a wink if the Starbuck's staff is a guy. Have fun!
If you think you are old at 31, try being your mother. Actually, most days I don't feel much older than 31!! Have a Happy Birthday! (this is your card) Enjoy!
What sad times are these when a man receives a 'birthday card' from his parents in the comments window of his website.
Eminent postal service collapse ... indeed.
What sad times are these when a man complains about receiving a 'birthday card' from his parents in the comments window of his website, in the comments window of his website.
Quiet or I shall sack those who initially sacked you.
Please post more comments, I will visit this site again.