Last night at 23:46 Patrol One "Officer" 984 at post Y045 entered my garage—the door of which I had left open accidentally—and placed a NOTICE on my car alerting me to the fact that the garage door was open. At 11:46 PM (or 23:46 in Rent-A-Paramilitary-Cop-Time-Code) I was wide awake, working, with many lights on. Lights, that could be seen by anyone who can see through their eyes, which I would assume includes trooper 984 but historical documentation says otherwise.
There were enough lights on that would indicate to anyone with an IQ higher than baloney that I was not asleep, but active and awake. And yet while I was working away, Sergeant Numbnut sat in his Patrol One Patrol Car, carefully took down all my vehicle information, ripped the White Copy away from the triplicate form, walked into my garage, and laid this document on my vehicle.
Meanwhile I was on the other side of the garage wall, working through the wee hours of the morning, oblivious to both my community appearance infraction but more importantly the guf-fah I had made to my own personal safety.
So it was this morning I was surprised to learn that I had left the garage door open and felt rather stupid about the whole thing. That is, until I saw 984's handiwork, laid carefully on the top of my car. Livid is the word I would use to best describe my reaction as I read through this carefully penned notice. Instead of walking fifteen paces to my front door, ringing the door bell (or knocking), so as to gain my attention and suggest that if I wish to avoid being the victim of some type of crime I might consider closing the largest entrance to my house for the night, this moron walked into an extension of my home and left a note to say the obvious. Why tomorrow, I expect to see a note that says, "You're awake now." Or, "the sun will rise today." Or, "Obama Won."
I don't exactly know what the hiring practices at Patrol One are but from my own personal experience I'd have to guess that full-time employment requires a fourth grade education and the ability to use a ink-ball pen. Eye sight (20/20 or significantly lower) and rational thinking is preferred, but not required. Free clothes provided.
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Interesting, I was woken up by a cop at my door last wee at 3:00 a.m to tell me that my garage door was open. I was annoyed, tired, angry and grateful at the same time, weird mix of feelings.
Wow. Though it should be noted that you are denigrating fourth-graders everywhere! ;)
Why didn't he just shut it while he was there? What a douchebag!
Greg, that was your belated welcome to OC. In parts of OC, it's not ok to leave your garage door open. You may be bringing down property values and inviting riff-raff in. If they don't cite you now, you might put a couch on your lawn next. Was he your rent-a-cop or the neighborhood's?
BTW, I'm always up later than the wife and nuggets and would be bitter if someone knocked or rang that late waking the rest.
I actually drove by not knowing it was your house, stopped, and picked up a nice collection of 1990s MacWorld magazines, a remote control lawn yacht, 40 boxes of unused floor tile, and all of your golf balls.
Sorry about that. Ping me later. The 'zines are moldy.
Also, Ethan, I'll be raising the ratio of whites in Long Beach next week. I'll be a minority. We'll be staying at least 5-10 years. Another white flight coming in on runway 30.
> Greg, that was your belated welcome to OC.
That's some belated welcome, I've been here nine and a half years. What happens at the twenty year mark?
> I actually drove by not knowing it was your house, stopped, and picked up a nice collection of 1990s MacWorld magazines, a remote control lawn yacht, 40 boxes of unused floor tile, and all of your golf balls.
Dammit Luke, that's twice in six months. Do I need to call your parole officer, again?
Then Luke came over and I had to very carefully explain to him that those magazines were a) not MacWorld, b) those we're airport base stations on the front of that woman and c) that wasn't mold.
Life noob.
If I leave my garage door open the only thing that comes in is a raccoon. But then, I don't live in OC. Of course, I do live in the nation's capital and that has its own special perks: no Patrol One officers, just the secret service knockin at my door.
If he knocked on your door or rang your bell I'll bet the Lasky post would have been different. Instead of going on about entering your garage you'd be going on about the audacity of a rent a cop ringing your bell at such a late hour. Either way he losses.
Stupid Patrol One "Officer" didn't he well know Greg Storey lived at that address.
Stupid f@*&ing Patrol One "Officer".
I don't know what you're complaining about, a few miles north of you the cops won't give you the time of day until your car is already stolen. Our cops are so busy with damage control that preventative measures like friendly notes are a fantasy.
great redesign, but where's the blog?!