When I first heard of the shooting at the Crystal Cathedral by a distraught fifty year old male employee I could not for the life of me think of anyone who worked there other than my boss who is no where close to fifty. My brain just could not focus but as the evening progressed I had a feeling I knew who had barricaded himself in the maze of offices under the Cathedral.
I cannot tell you how sad I am to read this morning that Johnnie Carl, the Crystal Cathedral orchestra director ended his own life despite the efforts of family, friends and the police. Death is never a satisfactory outcome but for some reason this feels heavier to me. It feels tragic.
There are a lot of people who work for the Cathedral but there are only a handful who are entrusted with managing the Sunday morning services. The montly group is made up of persons who are truly gifted in their area of expertise and Johnnie's was orchestra. I've been around him long enough to know that while he may have been talking to you and carrying on a conversation a good part of his mind was arranging music. A few times he would break our discussion and start humming as if he had just snapped a final arrangement puzzle piece together. Each and every Sunday morning Johnnie was in front and to the left conducting the orchestra in his tuxedo.
Not being musically inclined I just observed his genius at work but there was something to Johnnie that I could easily identify with, his appreciation for the Macintosh. On a campus that is overwhelmingly PC based Johnnie stood out with his Dual G4 (mirror door) and large studio display. It was hooked up to a lot of beefy audio gear that I could not begin to recount in much detail except that it all had a ton of knobs, lights and meters. Despite all the technology, always scattered around his desk were arrangements and written notes on large sheet music. It always reminded me of scenes from the movie Amadeus.
The last time I saw Johnnie was only a few days before I left the Cathedral back in August. He needed help installing a new network printer and the guys in MIS, of course, didn't know how to do that on a Mac. As we clicked around to make things work, we both gave the MIS guy a hard time for making people use PCs.
And as I write this I just can't believe he's gone, not that we were close friends, it's just so sad to see someone so talented take their own life and suddenly disappear.
God Bless Johnnie Carl and his family.
Join the fray by reading through and commenting at the end.
A very nice tribute.
God bless, indeed.
people don't know...
They think that it's so obvious for someone to recognise their own talent, but actually, it's nearly impossible.
How sad. Was he depressed? Its always hard to understand why someone would do that. Did you know him very well?
Sorry to hear that, Greg. I used to go to the Crystal Cathedral alot when I was younger and when I lived in California. It always seemed like a great atmosphere. Aside from that, it's unfortunate whenever someone takes their own life.
This was an excellent and heartfelt tribute. Thanks for sharing and I send my prayers out to his family.
shocking, really shocking.
I found this link about the event and it is a really sad end to such a fantastic persons life.
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/state/20041217-0717-ca-churchshooting.html
I've just returned from an quickly arranged quasi-memorial service — though it was not called that. Everyone I saw is still a little raw from the shock, including Dr. Schuller who cried through notes that he had prepared. One of the more rememberable things Schuller said was that Johnnie did not kill himself but it was his disease that killed him — a cancer of the emotional system.
There is a great story I have about how I came to know Johnnie Carl in my first days at the Cathedral but it's not something that would come out very well through a blog. I'll leave it at that and maybe someday if you and I ever meet in person I'll tell you about it.
Dr. and Mrs. Schuller have known and worked with Johnnie Carl for thirty years and they are very distraught. After working at the Cathedral for five years everyone really begins to feel like family and this morning everyone lost an uncle. His shoes will be hard to replace, if it can be done at all.
Make sure you hug your friends and family extra hard this Christmas and tell them how important they are in your life.
sometimes music is not enough...
I am so sorry to hear this, Greg. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Johnnie Carl and his family.
When I heard the news reports I immediately thought of you, Greg. Dr. Schuller's quote about Carl's disease killing him is in today's account in the Washington Post. A wonderful sentiment about a very debilitating illness.
Hi,
We don't know each other, but we have a connection...we both knew and loved Johnnie Carl. I am glad I found your web site today because the shock of what has happened has left me with a feeling that I need to talk to people who know, or knew him.
More than 20 years ago, I was a music student at Southern California College (now Vanguard University) in Costa Mesa, CA. For two and a half years, Johnnie was the director of the Choir there and my personal friend and mentor. He had a personal charm, gentleness, and charisma that exuded from him. You could not help but be encouraged to be your best around him. You could not help but believe that whatever it was that he saw in you, must be true, even if you never saw it yourself...and you were willing to try.
The college at that time did not offer a major in music composition, which was my passion. Johnnie listened to some of the things (contemporary Christian Pop stuff) that I had been writing since High School and told me I had talent, and that meant something to me. I was painfully shy and never was one to take risks, but with his help and encouragement, he got me a job at the Cathedral directing a Jr. High Bell Choir. Something I never thought I could do. They wound up being a part of my senior recital, and directing became a part of my life later on as a direct result of the experiences that he presented to me.
He was so much more to me than just a friend. He and his wife Linda took me in to their home once when I needed a temporary place to stay, he tutored me in composition for free in exchange for some light housework...I definately received the greatest benefit from the deal. I have gone on to do my own composing and arranging since. He was just an amazing person, and a big chunk of who I am today is directly because of his input into my life.
I just can't believe that this happened. When my mom called me and told me about it Friday night, I just felt like all feeling just left me. I am so stunned and saddened. Partly by the loss, partly at feeling for him and the level of internal pain he must have been suffering to do this. I want to reach out to Linda, his wife, but I'm not sure how to contact her. We've been out of touch since I moved East, 14 years ago.
Thank you again for giving me this opportunity to share my feelings for my friend, Johnnie. I will always carry around a part of him with me.
Diane
I've known him for all 30 years he's been at Crystal Cathedral. I've played so many of his wonderful arrangements. Your original post summed it up . . . the very moment the first announcements began to come out, I just had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I knew the name, I knew the incredible person and his family . . . the last time I played with him was 4th of July this year . . . and we spoke on Wednesday.
We are a richer world for all of his sharing of his talents.
Johnnie Carl was my second cousin. The last time I saw him was in the late 70's when he visited my church in Aurora, MO. He played My Tribute. I will never forget it. I am sad we did not keep in touch. I am honored he was my family. Thank you for the kind words.
David ( Nottingham )
All of you are in our thoughts and prayers at this sad time.
"Not now, but in the coming years
Twill be in that better land
We'll know the reason for the tears,
And then we will understand.
"God loves you and so do we"
I am a church musician and worship leader in an evangelical church in Manila. I grew up hearing the music made by Johnnie Carl. It's sad to hear of such news. Great tribute!
the Lord bless Johnnie's family.