Dear Q-tip,
You have been such a necessity in my everyday life that I can not think what living would be like without you. Every morning, noon, and night you have been there for me to stop the mad itching sensation deep in my inner ear. After a good scrubbing you always emerge with a smile on your face as you and I both know what a good job you always do.
Oh white cotton tipped friend, you are the perfect product of form and function. No other cottonswab product comes close to the usefulness and cleaning pleasure you provide. Not even the competitors can come close to your quality and record of achievement in the ear itch category.
Alas, today I have received troubling news.
The doctor told me that I have to stay away from you for the next 7-10 days. My heart sank and my ears started to itch as she was talking, yet the left side of my head hurts enough that I must heed the physicians word and think of other things while I try to forget I even have an inner ear — let alone that need to pick you up and carry you to the front lines of the Mother of All Itching Battles.
As I write this letter to you, I have two cotton balls crammed in each ear, holding the steroid laced medicine into the very area it is supposed to protect. The same area that you used take care of for me!
What I really want to do is grab twenty Q-tips and go to town. Damn ear medicine.
Anyway, I won't be seeing you much in the next week or so. Then the doctor will hopefully let me come out and play again.
Stay cool and don't do anything I wouldn't do! Ha ha!
Your Pal,
Greg
Join the fray by reading through and commenting at the end.
Holy-Moley! Ten Days with no joyful ear rubbin' with a Cotton Swab!?! (have some respect for a trademarked product!) All I know is that along with a good cup of coffee in the morning and the subsequent bowel movement this is one of my favorite activities of the day; if I had a tail, my swabbing would make me wag it!
Dear Greg,
Like the doctor I regret must inform you of another sad fact. The Q-tip, as we know it, is in fact a pseudonym for an actual scientific and medical instrument, called an "Earbud".
I know--- I know, it's shocking, and do try not to convulse with scorn for Johnson & Johnson's betrayal of the public, as I know you are not feeling well and it will only exacerbate your pain.
The nerve of them to masquerade their product under a brand name convincing the American public that it is in fact a "Q-tip" irregardless of the brand. I just found out this horrific fact this summer, when I was studying abroad and my South African teacher explained to me that the "proper term for it is an earbud...now
if you would mind..we'll go on with the discussion." She then reiterated how Americans are very silly for calling everything by the brand name, she went on to say that some of us dare she say it, even call soda pop...COKE. I sat dumbfounded for I also called soda pop, Coke, yet I was comforted by the fact that miliions of Americans did the same.
Yea, we know what patriotism is don't we..heh..earbud, yea right.
Nevertheless, a short while after returning to "the states", upon seeking consultation with a doctor on some ear pains I was having, he confirmed that I "should not stick anything into my ear "especially an earbud...", I felt broken and beaten down. Until today, Greg, when you proudly used Q-tip to describe all brands...ah payback is sweet...and here's to my sweet teacher.."It's a Q-tip, not an earbud!"
never despair, never surrender, that should be the cry of all Americans. It's not an earbud..it's a Q-tip. Hurray for Johnson & Johnson, I take back everything I said (and thought).
Thanks for keeping your head up out of the despair Greg, despite all the rumors abroad. I wish you great strength tonight in restraining yourself. Baby steps man, baby steps.
Respectfully,
Wayne
...oh no!..wait..Berzie Boy...it's a "Cotton Swab?" argh...the despair...the emotion!!!
I shower just so I can q-tip my ears afterward.
Beerzie Boy et all, I was specifically referring to the brand Q-Tip because that is the only cotton swab I use. I was raised a Q-Tip man and I shall always be a Q-Tip man.
What I assumed was that the Q-Tip brand was part of Johnson & Johnson when in fact it is from Chesebrough-Ponds USA based in Conneticut.
My dad is a doctor. He has always said; "don't stick anything in your ear smaller than your elbow"
Yes, that's right; **your** elbow...
The mental image of this has disturbed me for years.
Jeebus Greg - you complain about Q-Tips, Earbuds, whatever.... I've seen you stick paperclips in your ear!!!!! And you LIKE it!!! You are as close to Brock and his nose picking scenario as I have ever seen. PLEASE my friend, stop before it is to late.
Whose complaining! My wife has to hog tie me from using one right now. Ahhh, so itchy, must have Q-tip.
No eargasms for 10 days?!?! The horror!
I feel for you. Life without a daily earcleaning is the worst. If I were to be a contestant on Survivor, my luxury item would be a box of Q-tips. Good luck these next ten days.
ChrisC, the use of the paperclip just shows that Greg is a world class ear scratcher. The use of a sharp instrument for this task shows daring and nerves of steel.
That is, if he can still hear.
I will not deny.. the man definitely has nerves of steel. Perhaps I should leave a swab or two laying about the office :-)
Dude...LOL
Scariest thread ever. One word: therapy.
There is definitely something ... narcotic? ... about rubbing your inner ear with a cotton swab. Alas, my last trip to the doc brought news that with each insertion of a cotton swab (I use the generic brand - sorry), I manage to push the ear wax into an ever-growing wad that, at last check, was large enough to clog my ear canal and reduce the hearing in my left right ear to near-nothing. OTC ear wax removal kits are no match for the gunk in my ears, and even a doctor's office lavage failed to remove any but the tiniest bits.
So - beware. Enjoy the brain tickle, but know that you're gunking up your ears worse than ever. I know. I've been there.
Greg, I'm currently studying audiology and know the ear in far more excruciating detail than I'd like to. The discipline has nearly weaned me of Q-Tips. I know it's hard, but they are so, so bad for you. I agree that they are narcotically addictive ... but: What Bob said, and also, there is the grave danger of puncturing your tympanic membrane or worse -- oh, the horror stories I've heard. Also, do you mind me asking you about your diagnosis? Is it a middle ear infection?
Actually it was just an inflamation but I have the medicine to prevent an infection. I don't know if I could ever quit Q-Tips cold turkey.
Is it me or has this thread gone past the way to much information stage? I guess when it comes to cotton swabs everyone's willing to share.
Inflamed ears! YOW! Well I'm glad you're not infected. Now get the monkey off your back, dude
Aww, I'm full of shit. I'll never stop.