Ankles.


Holy crap are we screwed.

In effort to help win the war against terrorism the Pentagon has created a futures market for terrorist attacks.

Forget day trading and cancel your Schwab account, it's time to tune into CNN and watch the dividends roll in!

Looking for a short term, high yield, low risk investment? Put down ten large on the assassination of Yasser Arafat. Get your money out of those California energy bonds and put it all on a biochemical attack on Disneyland — the Happiest Place on Earth is about to earn you 50%.

Have a sleeper terrorist cell living next door? Then wake them up, put 'em to work, place your order, and grab a swim suit. You're gonna need it for swimming in all that money you'll make on the Policy Analysis Market. No need to worry about the SEC or insider trading with the PAM.

It sounds too sick to be true — something that only Colin Quin could make up — unfortunately it's real and already cost us $600k.

If this is the best our government can do to prevent terrorism then dammit I want my money back. I'll give it to someone who seems to have a better idea of how a government should act.

9 Responses to “Ankles.”
Join the fray by reading through and commenting at the end.
Bob — 06:44 on 07.29.03#
 

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard about this on the Today show this morning. It sounds like a sick joke. The very idea that our GOVERNMENT would create a futures market for terrorism is completely and utterly sickening, disheartening, and makes me even less proud to be an American than I already was. The current misadministration has made a mockery of everything that this country has ever stood for, including selling desecrated American flags on Ebay to raise money for Bushtard's reelection.

If Dean doesn't win in 2004, we're packing it up and heading for Canada - particularly if our northern neighbors go through with the annexation of the Turks and Caicos...

Beerzie Boy — 08:10 on 07.29.03#
 

Christ on a Crutch. My Flabber is Gasted. I'm (nearly) speechless.

Bob — 10:13 on 07.29.03#
 

Reuters is now reporting that this idea has been scrapped. That it was ever proposed in the first place is still quite disturbing.

Greg — 10:21 on 07.29.03#
 

I'm all for creative thinking but it's shameful that this idea ever made it out of a brainstorming session and onto a federal budget. What in the hell is going on in Washington these days?

Blake — 09:49 on 07.30.03#
 

What is this a joke? It's fun to joke around that our government is run by lab chimps, but this proves it. Frickin' a, we're screwed. Somebody, please, fly me to Canada.

leon — 07:54 on 07.31.03#
 

What's so bad about it? I've already made made back the money I lost on Osama (friggin' slackers) when Uday bought it before the Summer Solstice (southern hemisphere). It's actually just a more interactive form of the Old West's wanted posters. I would have thought you open-minded, online geeks would have approved. :^/

simon — 12:05 on 07.31.03#
 

seems to me the source of the information should be checked first. leave it to the media to paint as nasty a picture of our current administration as possible. this report provided a lot more detail than the morning shows do.

regardless... does one bad policy decision mean you should question your whole political stance? i don't think so. no administration is perfect. and the current one has done an awesome job imho.

heisenberg — 08:22 on 08.01.03#
 

They killed the futures market. Luckily, my account was insured. The insurance carrier hasn't been taken out yet. Gotta collect fast, though. Never know how long they will stand and deliver.

From the dead futures market error page, I linked to Darpa, and tried search. No hits for "futures market for terrorism". No hits for "futures market". Got a hit list for "Poindexter". He's the genius behind the market idea. Also a past chum of Ollie North and Adnan Koshogi. Trying one of those hits locked up the window on an acrobat download. Heard a black helicopter in the distance, getting closer. Finally killed the window, and the chopper sounds receded. No large suit with black shiny shoes and no sense of humor on the doorstep yet. Wish me luck.

Gonna try "Adnan Koshogi" next in that Darpa search. Then just hunker down with my Barrett and wait.

ryan — 09:34 on 08.11.03#
 

up front, i'm not a fan of our current admin. but that doesn't have too much to do with this.

on the surface it seems sick, twisted, yada-yada. but think about it for a second... whats the best way to determine which places in america/people need protecting? well, one way is to find out which places people are willing to put money on the fact that they might be hit... kind of ingenius in a sick/twisted way....

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