5:00 - Continue to dream despite the black cat sitting squarely on the jugular, purring and crying for attention.
5:35 - Awake for a second time, but with ninja like stealth because the slightest movement will cause the cats to think it's time for breakfast. Close eyes and try to get more REM sleep.
6:00 - Throw the younger, black cat (AKA alarm clock) off the bed and off my neck, again. Add scarry morning throat noises to help scare him away.
6:15 - Slide eyelids open slowly in disbelief that it's not Saturday morning. Grumble and elevate bed sheets with compressed gas.
6:17 - Feed the domestic beasts some horrid dry crunchy food. For tormenting purposes, do not refill the water. On real nasty tormenting days add peanut butter somewhere in this step.
6:20 - Drag feet to the home office, on the way check to see if the wife is starting to show signs of life.
6:22 - Open web browser and go to msnbc.com, nytimes.com, drudgereport.com, news.yahoo.com.
6:24 - Check if Arifat is dead yet, or if India and Pakistan are gone, or if Europe has finally decided to declare war on the US, or if Denver has burned to the ground.
6:30 - Open mail, check mail, delete mail, read mail, respond to mail.
6:35 - Check if Jason Kottke has responded to that simple, one question email that I sent him about Radio. Grumble.
6:40 - Put body armor on and attempt to wake the lovely, beautiful, happy wife.
7:03 - Check for bleeding or internal damage.
7:10 - Prepare for cleaning and clothing ceremony. Look for matching socks.
7:45 - Kiss wife confirm she will be returning this evening. Always check.
7:50 - Head to Starbucks because Pete's is 10 miles in the opposite direction.
8:10 - Listen to NPR.
Join the fray by reading through and commenting at the end.
Replace cat sitting on jugular with:
"Bandage deep gouge in hand where cat has been licking with sandpaper tongue for the last half-hour"
and personal items such as the Jason Kottke thing with:
"Hit Snooze. Again."
and we pretty much have the same morning ritual. Oh wait - add "Wake grumpy daughter and encourage her to get up for school so that she doesn't miss playing with her friends and oh by the way Blues Clues is on" in there a couple of times. There. That's it.
Bob, before the new kitten came along my other cat used to like the inside of my ear.
Now she leaves the waking up ritual to the rookie.
Sure, you have to pass the mundane, work-a-day, repetitive tasks off to the new guy so that you can take on greater responsibilities. Like making sure that at least one or two cat-box crunchies are kicked out onto the floor and irritating the dog sufficiently enough that your alarm clock no longer becomes relevant.
So, you go to wake your beautiful wife, and 23 minutes pass. And then you have to check for internal bleeding.
Kinky.
5:15 small cat sleeping on your back feels like two tons.
5:30 coffee and cigarette on porch with cats
5:45 wake up daughter and help her do her paper route (bodyguard)
6:45 back to bed warm with wife
Steve, I applaud your ability to go back to bed. Once the cats have started their routine my Ninja time clock goes off and I'm not able to sleep again until sometime around 1:15 when I sleep - Homer Simpson style - at my desk.
This reminds me that I saw some beautiful clouds the other day and my first thought was it looks like the opening of the Simpson's.