After reading Cameron and Andy's predictions for the coming year I was not convinced that they were telling us everything, holding back and protecting us from some future horror. So I enlisted the aid of Taco Bell to help induce a nacho cheese hallucinogenic state where I was able to see into the future with eyes unclouded. Here is what I saw:
- Yahoo! will rebrand itself Yatwo! and rewrite the cowboy jingle
- Tom Cruise will continue to vandalize the psychology page on Wikipedia while creating an entirely non-useful blog on the use of sonograms in the home.
- Having written an app for everything already, Google will unveil an API to their cafeteria allowing bloggers to choose what employees will eat at lunchtime — Lutefisk will go ranked number 1 for 47 weeks straight.
- Hivelogic will relaunch, again.
- Airbag will piss-off approximately 3% less people in 2006 than 2005 yet maintain an increase over a five year average.
- AOL will go to India and try to rediscover itself and find nothing.
- The colors #FH84JF, #QW9D9R, and #0P0VBN will not be used by anyone, anywhere on the web.
- Mr. Sun will undergo the plastic knife and become Ms. Moon. It's been a long time coming really.
- The seventh angel will pour out his bowl into the air, and out of the temple will come a loud voice from the throne, saying, "It is done!" Then there will come flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder and a severe earthquake.
- No boys, this year it's called "re-define". *wink*
- A design blogger will jump the gun and make 2007 predictions in October 2006. It always starts earlier than the year before.
- Chalupas, chalupas, chalupas.
- Airbag will use single word and descriptive titles at the same time, animals will probably be harmed during testing.
- Textism will update on February 2, 2006, not see it's shadow and usher in an early spring.
- Democratic political bloggers will form an underground cadre and wear matching blue berets. FOX News will mistake this as a French cultural invasion and declare "freedom fatwah".
- Someone will create a Web 2.0 interface for Usenet and try to make like they just invented sliced bread.
- 37 Signals, tired of the web, will convert into an adult easy listening station: 37.7 WSGL.
- Macromedia Fireworks will be killed by Adobe in the kitchen with the candlestick.
Join the fray by reading through and commenting at the end.
the iTunes Music Store will start selling screensavers.
It's about time some animals are harmed during testing. I recommend testing with bunnies, not rabbits. You save money on carrots in the long term.
George W. Bush will invade his third country.
Be very careful how you wield the visionary powers of nacho cheese.
Someone else understands the power of Taco Bell nacho cheese as a hallucinogen. Nothing like a cheese trip.
Tomas, you mean his fourth country.
1. USA
2. Afghanistan
3. Iraq
"Macromedia Fireworks will be killed by Adobe in the kitchen with the candlestick." - I certainly hope not. It's the one Macromedia product I actually use regularly.
Ryan: Sorry, I meant by military force, but I guess you're right.
Not to be critical, but I still do not think you have looked up "fatwah" in the dictionary, yet. :)
Thomas, good to see you're alive, now get back to blogging dammit.
Bradley, don't imply just come out and say what's on your mind.
Ryan & Thomas, I would suggest that the only thing Bush has ever sucessuflly invaded is a line of cocaine. He was handed the presidency because a particular group of Floridians didn't know how to read a ballot.
Web 2.0 will have it's first update and become Web 2.1
Greg, those Floridians read the ballot..they just picked Bush because his name was 1 letter shorter.
Less reading you know.
Fireworks is one hell of a useful little program. I'd be sad to see Adobe kill it.
- Technorati will begin answering its backlogged support mail
- Validation errors on Google sites will hit an all-time sub-1000 low
- We'll run out of oil, then electricity and then the internet will stop working which will result in the greatest loss of information ever.
- 2007 predictions will be made via the Gutenberg press and sold for 1000 chickens, or two cows.
Ha! I knew there was a reason I saved my blue beret.
Fireworks... dying... must... tell... others...
Adobe will hopefully come up with a corresponding program.
I myself don't use Fireworks but I can't imagine that Adobe would continue producing a competing product with it's own flagship titles. I suspect they will either kill it outright or sell it to another company needed an image editing product.
Are you sure it will be with the candlestick? AND in the kitchen as well? I have a feeling it my be in the library.
"Adobe, please don't kill Fireworks."
*holds up box of Freehand*
"Here, take this instead!"
I'm not sure that the yellow-orange Taco Bell goo is actually cheese. Maybe someone can do some animal testing and chemical analysis to figure it out. (I would do it myself, but I'm really bad at science.)
After one too many serious cases of food poisoning throughout the workforce, Google employees vote unanimously to stop allowing bloggers to choose what employees will eat at lunchtime.
The democrats will become better and better at telling lies because of the Toco Smell, they in haled during one of their Bitch session with their candidate; and Ben Laden will become the vice pres. candidate, and Zercowi (sp) will be the sec. of state. And that's if they win here, in the US, other wise they can only win in Iran which will be change to the holy city of CrapItran.
Very funny post.
Thanks for the welcome respite from all of the oh-so-serious 2006 predictions!
hah ... a good read ... and nice site btw ... i really like the white space, all of it!
Not to mention that because of the release of Doom and the upcoming movie Halo, Microsoft and Colombia Pictures will release "Minesweeper, the Movie."
Greg—
Sorry to comment again so late in the game; I did not realize that you responded to my comment.
I had hoped that you would have inferred that your definition of "fatwah" was incorrect and looked it up in the dictionary, to ultimately find that the word is correctly spelled "fatwa". :)
Now I, too, have seen it spelled differently, even in prominent and respected circles. But if the dictionary isn't enough, then is not Google the ultimate authority? Heh, right.
But for kicks, this link should help you out:
http://www.google.com/search?q=fatwah
I tried to be subtle... condescending is rarely my attitude.
Anyway, Merry Christmas! (You're not Jewish, are you?)